I thought so highly of All My Mother’s Lovers (2020) by Ilana Masad that I recommended it to my book group, so was a bit disappointed when their reviews were much more mixed. It did spark a lengthy discussion, though.
As the book opens. Maggie, a queer twentysomething, finds out that her mother, Iris, has just died in a car accident. She rushes home to Southern California from Missouri, where she works in insurance despite her otherwise queer lifestyle. She’s in the early part of a relationship with Lucia, an artist, but she’s afraid of putting the pressure of grieving onto this new thing, as she’s never maintained an intimate relationship for very long before. Her parents had what she thought was the perfect partnership, and that’s supported by the fact that her father is unable to function–nearly catatonic with grief–when she returns. Her college-age brother speaks to a woman at the synagogue to make arrangements for the funeral, and they interact in the old sibling ways.
While looking for the will, Maggie finds letters her mother has written to five men Maggie has never heard of before, with instructions to send them after her death. Insatiably curious, and unable to stay in the house with her incapacitated father and angry brother to sit shiva, she decides to deliver the letters herself, finding out more about her mother than she ever anticipated.
Maggie is not an easy character to like–she is self-absorbed, impulsive, quick to judge others, and relies on escape through alcohol or pot too quickly–and the fact that she was so difficult of a character to like was possibly the biggest issue that my book group had with the book, and I can see that. She was a mess–before her mother died–and she became even more of a mess while dealing with her grief and the unresolved issues she and her mother had with each other. But Masad rendered her truthfully in my opinion, warts and all, and I appreciated a story told from the perspective of someone who didn’t have her life all together and wasn’t pretending to.
I also loved the representation in the book of not just a lesbian main character, but other sexualities and not just sexual orientation, and a trans character as well. I enjoyed the chapters from Iris’s perspective, especially her perspectives on her daughter, that Maggie never knew. I loved the portrayal of healthy sexuality all the way through one’s lifespan.
I consider it weight-neutral as I don’t recall any anti-fat bias, but as I listened to the audiobook, I may have missed something minor.
Reading While Fat 
Hi! Thank you for the recommendation of All My Mother’s Lovers. I would have never found this on my own. My husband’s death in 2004 left me widowed at age 52. He had been my one and only. I didn’t want another husband, but I needed companionship and sex. I missed it. Feeling like I had nothing to lose as I had already lost the love of my life, I went off the deep end meeting men online. A lot of men. The last one I met was Jackson. I live in Indianapolis and he lived in Illinois near Terre Haute. He was crazy in love with his wife who had been diagnosed by a therapist as asexual. After 40 years together, he asked if he could see other women and she said yes. We had a wonderful relationship for three or four years. He would come visit me about once a month and we would spend the afternoon together, then go out for dinner before he headed home. About four times a year, we met for an overnight in a hotel. He was smart and funny and treated me very well. The first time he told me he loved me, he asked if that scared me, and I said no because I felt the same. I truly believe that people are capable of loving more than one person at a time. Unlike the first man Maggie meets, I had no illusions of every marrying him and would have been disappointed in him if he had asked. Scheduling complications and health issues led to our drifting apart. It just happened. Then there was the pandemic. I still carried him in my heart and thought of him often. Two weeks ago, I saw on Facebook that he had died. I was gutted. One type of grief is for unresolved issues/what will never be. This is what I am feeling. Because of the nature of the relationship, I am grieving alone. To compound this, his birthday was Friday, so his smiling face popped up in my Facebook feed again. My two children were adults when their father died and have no knowledge of this aspect of my life. I had thought of leaving notes for a few of my “special friends” to be sent after my passing, but after reading this book, I have scrapped that idea. So, why am I bothering you with this? Because I want you to know that you make a difference. I enjoy your perspective and reading your reviews. This one hit home. Thank you! Teresa
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