No Fats, No Fems: A Guide to Queer Empathy and Unpacking Prejudice (publication day May 19 2026) by Max Hovey is a decent introduction to anti-racist, feminist, trans-positive, and body positive concepts for gay white men who may never have been exposed to those ideas before. The title comes from a common phrase found in gay dating app profiles.
Hovey, who is objectively an average-build white man, spends a lot of time discussing body image standards among gay men and the different subtypes among that community. He urges readers to expand their communities to get to know people that are not exactly like themselves, in order to build empathy.
If you’ve done any kind of anti-racist or fat liberation internal work, much of the book will be elementary and not new to you at all. That being said, since his audience seems to be gay white men, I think it’s a good addition and has the potential to open minds and bring these concepts to a wider audience.
I also enjoyed the blurbs or snippets from his discussions with people in the communities that he’s highlighting (trans folks, people of color, fat people) and his discussion of substance abuse in the gay community and how that has a disproportionate impact. Also, I thought his discussion of preference (for a certain race or body type) was essentially indistinguishable from prejudice to be an important discussion.
Reading While Fat 
I keep seeing the title of this book and it keeps reminding me of a time, oh, somewhere around 1999 or thereabouts, where guys online looking for sex were adamant about no fats, no fems and how they want someone to be in shape and uber-masculine and as a bisexual man, I felt offended for those guys who were “fat” or “fem” who were being dissed out of hand.
Indeed, “no fats, no fems” hung around on “gay dating” sites for a rather long time; I think the last time I saw this exact reference was in 2019 but other guys manage to get this out without actually saying it. I still think it stinks of a level of discrimination and maybe even racism that really messes up things M2M and male sexuality.
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That’s exactly what the book is about–thanks for the comment.
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